Parenting - twenty years in

I've been a parent for nearly twenty years (ouch - it physically hurts to say that!) and I think I've learned a few things.  I think.  One thing I have learned is that we very often have to learn things by making mistakes.  As children and as parents. My kids and I, especially, seem to possess this trait.  Sometimes no amount of instruction, lecturing, or explaining will work.  You just have to figure it out for yourself. 

Derek has been having a personality conflict with a "friend" and teammate.  They just seem to clash.  We've explained over and over to him that if he would just ignore his friend's behaviour, it would stop and/or change.  But Derek has a hard time letting things go.  He needs to see fairness and justice in all situations.  So he reacts.  Usually in a negative manner.  And then he gets in trouble.  What's a parent to do? 

Six years ago, I thought I knew what to do.  Adam was in a similar situation, with a similar personality, and with the same reactions.  So I called the other parents.  And I was honest when the mother wanted to know why the other kids didn't like hers.  Big mistake.  BIG mistake.  Plus, I learned that not only was her precious child an idiot*, so was mine.  (As you probably already know, there are always three sides to every story - yours, theirs, and the truth.  If you didn't know that, please keep it in mind if you are a parent with a precious little child.)  After a few years of politely tolerating each other (Adam and his friend, and me and the mother) things have cooled down and all is well again. (It helps that we normally travel in different circles now.)  And I learned to get all the facts before accusing anyone of anything.  Usually.  Still working on that one.  Mother bear and all that, you know. 

So here we sit, waiting for a call back from Derek's friend's dad.  Clem, to whom I sometimes refer as "Mr. Diplomat", is going to answer the phone.  Just sayin'. 

And the moral of this rambling monologue?   All I really know is that I don't know much.  That, and it really sucks that our children have to be guinea pigs as we experiment with this parenting thing. 

Thanks for stopping by!
Chandra


*All children become idiots when they turn 13.  I'm not singling anyone out. I can't tell you how long it lasts, as I'm still waiting for it to end.  There are small signs of intelligence again at 19, though.  I'll keep you posted.

PS:  Any comments from that "Anonymous" person who knows everything about parenting will be deleted.  Sign your name or zip your lip quit typing!